Uplift

Finding My Voice

It seems that lately everytime I have a post in mind God always lead me to a post that intimately causes me to expose areas in my life where I’ve walked through the fire but found so much freedom on the other side. As a little girl I was very shy. In my home I was raised to not speak unless you were being spoken to. So, as a little girl the message I received was that my words were not valued. As I continued to grow and mature into a young woman, that narrative got louder and louder and the message became clearer and clearer. I started to really embrace the lie that my opinion, thoughts and words were not important. I learned to sit in rooms and be seen but never heard. When I would be called on to share, I would be left with the feeling that nobody was listening to me and my words carried zero weight in the room. I have fought to find my voice and I keep mustering up the courage to use it. It is a continuous declaration that I will not be silent. Stay here with me as I share how I started using my voice.
I remember so well being in different spaces as a teenage girl and finding every corner I could to hide in. I found it difficult to even hold my head up. I felt that if nobody saw me, nobody would call on me to speak. I avoided eye contact in trainings and meetings because if they called on me, I would have to deal with the aftermath of negative thoughts that pushed me into a deep sadness. This went on for years and years. I did not speak up for myself. There were times I knew I was being mistreated but I allowed it because I had not found my voice, I still did not realize that my words had power. I had not embraced the truth that I had a voice and it mattered. I would basically agree to most things because I believed what I wanted was of no importance. I’ve learned that some of this stem from self esteem issues that were connected to me finding my voice. I needed to be confident enough that despite what I learned as a little girl that I would be willing to embrace the real truth in the now.

      The first step to finding my voice was:

1). I had to build my confidence. It wasn’t a easy journey to get here and sometimes I still struggle a little but, I quickly remind myself that I’m no longer living from that place any longer. I took the word of God and created affirmations from the real truth. God created me and HE alone  knows my true worth. No other words matter when I embraced what Jesus said about me. I still have to remind myself of the truth when my mind goes down these rabbit trails of untruths.

     The second step was:

2). I had to learn that my words had power. In learning that my words had power, I also learned that what I had to say was valued and important. The way I learned this was little by little I started to explore my thoughts and feelings about certain things. I started to consider my opinions on certain things. I started thinking about my beliefs and values that helped to shape my opinions on certain issues. I took baby steps in safe spaces to share what I was thinking and feeling. I felt so uncomfortable doing it but I knew to use my voice would take these small baby steps in safe spaces. Do I still feel out of place using my voice sometimes I do but I do it afraid. I do it even if my voice is shaking. After while it gets easier, I promise you.

      The third step was:

3). Take the baby steps. Now I realize that this will be difficult for some of you as it was for me. Find the courage to tell the voice in your head that try to silence you to,”Shut-up”. Find a group of people you feel safe with and start sharing your thoughts in the conversation. Please try to not focus on the other people in your group, just do it. No matter what remember God gave you a voice and it’s ok for you to use. Please fight the urge to be quiet when you feel the urge to share your feedback. You might not be the only one feeling that way. It’s okay to say No to things you don’t like. It’s okay to disagree with others opinion, everyone will not always feel the same way. If we all did, this world could become very boring. Your voice matters, your opinions matter, your thoughts matter because you matter. I want to challenge you to create a affirmation you can use to help you to embrace the importance of you using your voice.

I found myself sacrificing myself rather than using my voice and being honest about what I’m feeling. I finally realized that it was causing anxiety and depression in me. People rarely treat you as you think they should but they treat you the way you allow them to treat you. I had to set boundaries in place and use my voice to say, I don’t like the way you are treating me. I learned that their response mattered just as much as me using my voice. It was the only way to stop people from making decisions about me based upon what they were thinking. I had a lot of practice finding my voice in marriage, work, church, with my family and friends and even in difficult situations. I’m not the same woman who use to allow people to say anything to me or treat me any kind of way and I just take it. I stand up for myself and before finding my voice I did not do that. I’m still on this journey but I get stronger and bolder each and every day. I count everytime I use my voice as a win even in the smallest situation, it is still a win. I hope you will find strength in my words here to go on a self discovery and find your voice. You are worth it and your words are too.

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godsgirllora
I am a wife, a mother a believer in Jesus Christ and a person who has lived with a mental health condition. My desire is to come alongside of those like me who need support. I will write my real, raw, honest journey through this in hopes that you and I can find strength through it together. Your comments are welcomed and honored here. All I ask is that you be respectful with your words because my journey might not look like yours but it is mine. Looking forward to walking alongside you here in this safe space. P.S If your looking for perfect grammar and words placed perfect….you won’t find that here. You will find words that come from my heart and the heart of Jesus, hopefully in that you will find hope. I believe with hope comes the courage to step into the safety of the light.
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