authenticity – Uplift

If I Can Be Honest

I’ve always committed myself from day 1 in this space that I would share my honest struggles as well as victories. I just want you to know that your not alone in your struggles. I had something totally different to write about this time but then this came up. Sometimes I want to wait till I’ve gained victory over particular areas before I share the struggle. I think sometimes we need to share the real, raw intimate details of the struggle right while we’re in it. I’ve been on Instagram a few years now but something I’ve never admitted to is the struggle for others to like my post and especially those who I consider to be friends. I felt like when people hit the like button that it was a form of support. I kind of felt like when they liked it that they believed in me. I’ve just recently been honest with myself about my feelings surrounding this. I’ve been exploring why it was making me feel this way. Personally I feel there is a deeper reason behind our strong feelings concerning certain things. I also believe that those feelings should be explored. . I tend to avoid exploring things that I feel will lead to digging deeper than where I’m ready to go. I finally got brave enough to go there. I want to share something very personal but if sharing it helps anyone it’s worth it.

I realized recently that I’ve been in a real battle with loneliness. Some parts of social media was feeding that feeling. I would look at smiling people with their friends, love ones and my heart felt an ache in it. I saw people in photos doing real life in church community and my heart longed for it. Sometimes I found myself scrolling images of people I know and worship with each Sunday doing life in community and I allowed the lie I was believing to be driven deeper into my heart. Those images were proof that I did not belong, which was the other lie I was believing. I had allowed those lies to some how become attached to my interactions on Instagram. If I sent a Instagram message that people didn’t respond to, I felt rejected. I had no idea because I had experienced so much rejection as a little girl that I had the belief that things that were not even rejection was. Instagram became a unsafe place for me. Honestly Instagram really wasn’t unsafe but because of my struggles and the additional emotional struggle I allowed it to become, it was unsafe for me. I didn’t need anything to add to those feelings. So, I’m on this journey of letting Instagram be what it was created to be. Instagram is a place to keep up with friends and love ones, it’s a place to meet new people, it’s a place you can use as a tool to encourage others. The thing I forgot was that my life is not on Instagram. My life is right in front of me. Even if nobody likes one image, or comment on any post the one who created me loves me unconditional. Those likes don’t add any value to the beauty of who I am, nor can they take any away. The only reason it was causing me not to feel valued was that I was attaching my value to the likes on a post. Now my value is attached to Jesus, the one that created me. I’m so grateful that on or off social media God is always with me. God is faithful and true. I belong to him and he belongs to me. I recently started something that helps me so much with Instagram, keep reading to find out what it is💚.

I knew that I had to make some changes. I knew that I needed boundaries around my time and interactions on social media. I let myself really look at what Instagram had become in my life. I had found myself reaching for it before my bible in the early morning light. I was desperate to see how many likes or comments my post had gotten. I wanted to see if there was a response to my insta message. I knew my desire for Instagram was not in line with God’s desire for me. Before I could let God do a work in my heart surrounding this unhealthy desire I first had to admit that there was work that needed to be done. I surrendered all of it to Jesus. I began to take Instagram off my phone during the week and only using it on the weekend with limited time. The more I practice this new strategy the more I feel freed up to spend time with the one who created me. Many of us will not admit to our addiction to social media. Some of us are addicted and we don’t even know it. We know we feel like we have to log in and we can’t seem to fight the desire to do it till we do it. In my research I found this statement in a article I read that explained what’s happening better than I ever could. The statement is,
“Social media platforms drive surges of dopamine to the brain to keep consumers coming back over and over again. The shares, likes and comments on these platforms trigger the brain’s reward center, resulting in a high similar to the one people feel when gambling or using drugs.”. So we are really struggling with an addiction. It causes anxiety, low self esteem, isolation and decrease in physical activity. Just reading these things from the article made me realize if I continue on social media as I was, I would continue to feel like I was. I had to make a choice and my choice was freedom. I knew my freedom was only going to come from submerging every fiber of my being to Jesus. I needed to choose him first and always. I have seen such a difference over the last few weeks of doing this. I plan to increase my time away this summer to live life more present and in my heavenly father’s presence.

If you are struggling with an addiction to social media on any platform, I want to encourage you to surrender that addiction to Jesus and let him break you free. You don’t have to have an unhealthy addiction to social media, you can be free of it. The first step is admitting to the addiction. As you are honest with yourself, it gives you the courage to let Jesus in to those places that need to be free. Social media will never be able to fill the void in your life, only Jesus can. I am praying for you and walking this journey with you. You are not alone, God sees you and he wants to help, please let him.

Worthiness is not Earned

I think at times in our lives, we all struggle with feeling unworthy of good things. I want to pose a question for you to think about,”What is that thing that happened to cause you to feel as if you have to earn your worth?”. You have spent your life trying to earn something that you never had to earn. I know that things can happen to us or we can do things and because of that we believe the lie that were no longer worthy of the good plans God has for us. Let me whisper in your ear, “You were born worthy”. Guess what, not only were you born worthy, nothing you do makes you unworthy. When we struggle with believing that our worthiness is earned, we thrive in the praises from others. We desperately feel like their words validate us. You might not know this but only God created us and I truly believe the one that created us is the one who validates us.

I found myself living in the praises of others. I wanted to feel like I was worthy, and I believed the lie that their words and acceptance of me made me worthy. We don’t have to live up to the standards of others to be worthy. You don’t have to fit into a certain crowd to be worthy. Just maybe the crowd you’re trying to fit yourself in is honestly not worthy of you. Their rejection of you might be the greatest blessing of your life.

Oh, the tears I’ve cried feeling like I didn’t belong in a certain group. I am slowly but surely learning that I will not fit into every space, and that is ok. Every circle is not a circle I have to belong. I want you to know that any group, circle or community you have to change to fit in, YOU do not belong in it. Performing does not make you worthy. The uniqueness that you were created in is what makes you worthy. I believe the courage to walk into spaces and be you makes you worthy. Who you really are is worthy of love, respect, and connection. You deserve all the good things God has for you and you are worthy of each and every one of them.

When I lived with the lie that I had to earn my worthiness, I found myself pretending to be who I thought I needed to be in order to fit in different spaces. What I realized was that I was really miserable when I left those spaces. My anxiety was through the roof and I felt empty. I felt empty because who I really was I was spending unnecessary energy burying as I pretended to be someone I really wasn’t. I could never earn worthiness because what I didn’t know was that worthiness did not need to be earned. No matter how much I tried to be different, that was not making me feel worthy. I believe where I picked up that feeling that I wasn’t worthy was in my childhood. As a little girl, I walked through a lot of trauma and some of the things I endured made me feel unworthy. I didn’t feel worthy of love. I struggled with feeling like I could ever be enough. I had low self-esteem and very little courage. Those childhood experience felt as if they wrote the message of unworthiness on my heart. As an adult I continued to struggle with feeling worthy. I’ve gotten better, but every now and then those feelings of unworthiness try to creep in. I have to immediately remind myself that I was born worthy of every good thing God has for me. I notice that when I forget who I am in Christ, I start feeling unworthy. When we embrace who God made us to be, we embrace the truth that we were born worthy.

¹³For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well. Psalms 139:13-14 English Standard version (ESV)

Above is one of my favorite passage of scripture. It reminds me that God formed every part of me, even my inward parts. God knitted me and you together in our mothers womb. This helps me rest in the truth that I am worthy. God created and formed every part of me and I am priceless. God formed every part of you and YOU are priceless. Nobody can diminish your worth in Jesus, not any words spoken to you or over you can change the truth that you my friend are worthy. ¹⁰For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10 (ESV) you were born according to scripture for good works. To be honest though, those good works did not make you worthy, Christ made you worthy.

This post was to remind you that your worthiness is not earned, but you were worthy from the beginning. You can stop striving for worthiness and start resting in the truth, that you are worthy. I pray that you will embrace this truth and live from the place of worthiness which is where you always belong. Thank you for taking time to read my words. I’m honored and grateful for each of you.

Come Out of The Shadows

I know it feels safe. I know you believe that it’s not costing you anything to hide out in the shadows. I know it feels like you can protect yourself from hurt if you just stay in the shadows. Let everybody else get the applause for your hard work. Nobody sees you, so the expectations for you to do or be anything are very small if any. Psssst….the sacrifice of the blessing God created you to be will never be worth it, never. Now, I am not saying that God can never use you in the shadows, for a period of time yes he might use you. It’s like a place of preparation. I truly believe there are some people out front that never walked in the shadows and it shows👀. It is definitely not a place to remain. I truly believe that while working in the background it can build great character in you that sustains you when God places you out front.

There is a humbling that happens within us when we have a shadows experience. I just think that we can become comfortable and complacent when we stay there too long. I think we then become afraid to step out of the shadows into the forefront even when we know Christ is calling us into the front lines of ministry. Nobody knows better than Jesus, you and honestly the devil of what your truly capable of doing with the gift of God in you. I think we forget that satan knows what’s inside of us too and he fights us to keep us surrendered to our own plans rather than walking in Jesus plans that he has for us even before the foundations of this earth. You were not created to stay in the shadows. You were not created to hide out behind the scenes. Come out of the shadows, you have stayed there long enough.

I have come to the place where I have made a life for myself in the shadows that honestly feels right. It feels safe. I have zero pressure to do anything or be anything. I’ve felt as if I’ve somehow buried the call of God in the shadows where I hide. To be honest stepping into the front lines of ministry again feels overwhelming even though I know it’s Jesus calling me, Jesus nudging me, Jesus pulling me away from the shadows and back into the place he intended for me to be. I know coming out of the shadows means that I have to walk away from some places that make me feel safe in the shadows. I know I will have to walk away from some relationships that allow me to feel comfortable hiding. Writing this post is me taking my first few baby steps out of the shadows. I can tell you this from experience,”Playing small only keeps you trapped in a lie”. A lie that is definitely keeping you stagnant. Don’t shrink back when you are among great people with titles and college degrees. Trust me, your in that room because you deserve to be. The things you have to say will really add value to the conversation. You were invited in that room because someone in that space needs what is in you. You would be amazed at the many times my experience with certain things helped a person with a degree and no experience. Please don’t show up pretending to be less than the amazing person you truly are. Trust me, I’m taking my own advice in too.

I felt in my heart that at the beginning of this new year would be the perfect time to encourage you to stop playing small. I want to encourage you to stop pretending to be less when deep inside you know you have more inside you. You bring so much to the table when you bring all of who you are with you. Your in that room because you need to be. You have operated in the background long enough. There are countless well known individuals in this world who started with nothing but realized who they really were and cultivated that gift to allow it to to take them forward. Let this year of 2023 be the year you come out of the shadows. Let this year be the year you be who you truly are. Let it be the year you stop playing small. I believe in you. Go be great💚.