The beginning of therapy can be as beautiful as this flower. As I look at this flower I think about the seed it use to be, I consider how it must have felt being buried in the cold dark earth where no one could see it. I also think of the process it went through to begin growing in the earth before anyone ever got to see it push through the dark and begin to grow above the dirt. This is how I honestly see therapy. For me, I felt as if I was a small seed with past trauma which was largely affecting my ability to live mentally healthy. I did not even know that within the seed was the flower, it just needed to go through the process to become it. I enter therapy and the therapist steps into the cold dark earth where my pass thought it planted my future. No one really sees at first the process that happens in the earth, which , if you will, is similar to the process I went through in her office. In the earth or dirt of the earth where seeds are planted lies nutrients needed for healthy growth. The flower also needs water. Those within my circle gave me water to grow by encouraging me to keep going to therapy, by telling me how excited they were that I was doing the work in therapy. This caused me to work harder to become well.
This post is to honor what it feels like to end therapy. No matter how ready you feel you are, ending Therapy can be difficult. I went through a grieving process ending Therapy. I knew I was ready to stop going but I also was afraid to loose my safe place to check in. The place I felt seen, known and heard in. I knew it was the only place I felt like I could just talk my real raw honest feelings out. There was no hiding in that space. I didn’t even want to hide. Once trust was established and boundaries were in place to keep us both safe a relationship built. This relationship felt more like a partnership to better my mental health. The better I began to get the more I came to realize it was time to let go. I tried to think of it as the next step towards embracing my healing. I was better but felt unready to keep going without my safe check in. See what I did not realize was that all the hard work I had been doing in therapy was preparing me for this moment. My therapist always said to me that all good therapist work their way out of job. So basically good therapist have a goal to get you well enough that you can keep going and live well. That does not take away the sad feeling when you take your first steps without the support that therapy offers. The thing I’ve learned is that it’s my first steps without my therapist but not without my Jesus💚.I saw this quote and I thought it seemed appropriate to add here. I think because therapist do become someone for clients it becomes difficult to let it go. Honestly not only is it difficult for us, it can be difficult for therapist to let go. How do you not build a closeness with someone that shared the most intimate details of their lives. Often sharing secrets they have never told to anyone. I can only imagine the load that therapist carry. I can only imagine the boundaries it takes to shut it off. Shut out the pain that was released in their office,to shut off the stories that were released and their ears had to hear. The beauty they get to see is when you are ready to let go. To see you move forward using the tools that they poured into you. Tools that will carry you long after you end therapy. I continuously remind myself that God is always with me. God walked with me before therapy, during therapy and even now. Ending Therapy is beautiful and sometimes messy. It’s a funny kind of joy and ache. It feels good to be well, yet scary to be well enough to journey forward without your safe place. You have got this, I have got this, we have got this. Spread your wings and soar beautiful soul. You have God with you. You have the tools you have been taught in therapy and you are so much stronger now.
Lord Jesus I thank you for therapist who help us to live mentally well. I thank you for the wisdom that they have inside us. I thank you for the journey to healing that you walk with us through. I thank you for those beginning therapy that they will find strength, courage, healing and the will to keep going. I pray for those ending Therapy that they will know you are always with them. In Jesus name. Amen
I am a wife, a mother a believer in Jesus Christ and a person who has lived with a mental health condition. My desire is to come alongside of those like me who need support. I will write my real, raw, honest journey through this in hopes that you and I can find strength through it together. Your comments are welcomed and honored here. All I ask is that you be respectful with your words because my journey might not look like yours but it is mine. Looking forward to walking alongside you here in this safe space.
P.S
If your looking for perfect grammar and words placed perfect....you won’t find that here. You will find words that come from my heart and the heart of Jesus, hopefully in that you will find hope. I believe with hope comes the courage to step into the safety of the light.
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