Tag: healing

If I Can Be Honest

I’ve always committed myself from day 1 in this space that I would share my honest struggles as well as victories. I just want you to know that your not alone in your struggles. I had something totally different to write about this time but then this came up. Sometimes I want to wait till I’ve gained victory over particular areas before I share the struggle. I think sometimes we need to share the real, raw intimate details of the struggle right while we’re in it. I’ve been on Instagram a few years now but something I’ve never admitted to is the  struggle for others to like my post and especially those who I consider to be friends. I felt like when people hit the like button that it was a form of support. I kind of felt like when they liked it that they believed in me.  I’ve just recently been honest with myself about my feelings surrounding this. I’ve been exploring why it was making me feel this way. Personally I feel there is a deeper reason behind our strong feelings concerning certain things. I also believe that those feelings should be explored. . I tend to avoid exploring things that I feel will lead to digging deeper than where I’m ready to go. I finally got brave enough to go there. I want to share something very personal but if sharing it helps anyone it’s worth it.

      I realized recently that I’ve been in a real battle with loneliness. Some parts of social media was feeding that feeling. I would look at smiling people with their friends, love ones and my heart felt an ache in it. I saw people in photos doing real life in church community and my heart longed for it. Sometimes I found myself scrolling images of people I know and worship with each Sunday doing life in community and I allowed the lie I was believing to be driven deeper into my heart. Those images were proof that I did not belong, which was the other lie I was believing. I had allowed those lies to some how become attached to my interactions on Instagram. If I sent a Instagram message that people didn’t respond to, I felt rejected. I had no idea because I had experienced so much rejection as a little girl that I had the belief that things that were not even rejection was. Instagram became a unsafe place for me. Honestly Instagram really wasn’t unsafe but because of my struggles and the additional emotional struggle I allowed it to become, it was unsafe for me. I didn’t need anything to add to those feelings. So, I’m on this journey of letting Instagram be what it was created to be. Instagram is a place to keep up with friends and love ones, it’s a place to meet new people, it’s a place you can use as a tool to encourage others. The thing I forgot was that my life is not on Instagram. My life is right in front of me. Even if nobody likes one image, or comment on any post the one who created me loves me unconditional. Those likes don’t add any value to the beauty of who I am, nor can they take any away. The only reason it was causing me not to feel valued was that I was attaching my value to the likes on a post. Now my value is attached to Jesus, the one that created me. I’m so grateful that on or off social media God is always with me. God is faithful and true. I belong to him and he belongs to me. I recently started something that helps me so much with Instagram, keep reading to find out what it is💚.

I knew that I had to make some changes. I knew that I needed boundaries around my time and interactions on social media. I let myself really look at what Instagram had become in my life. I had found myself reaching for it before my bible in the early morning light. I was desperate to see how many likes or comments my post had gotten. I wanted to see if there was a response to my insta message. I knew my desire for Instagram was not in line with God’s desire for me. Before I could let God do a work in my heart surrounding this unhealthy desire I first had to admit that there was work that needed to be done. I surrendered all of it to Jesus. I began to take Instagram off my phone during the week and only using it on the weekend with limited time. The more I practice this new strategy the more I feel freed up to spend time with the one who created me. Many of us will not admit to our addiction to social media. Some of us are addicted and we don’t even know it. We know we feel like we have to log in and we can’t seem to fight the desire to do it till we do it. In my research I found this statement in a article I read that explained what’s happening better than I ever could. The statement is,  
“Social media platforms drive surges of dopamine to the brain to keep consumers coming back over and over again. The shares, likes and comments on these platforms trigger the brain’s reward center, resulting in a high similar to the one people feel when gambling or using drugs.”. So we are really struggling with an addiction. It causes anxiety, low self esteem, isolation and decrease in physical activity. Just reading these things from the article made me realize if I continue on social media as I was, I would continue to feel like I was. I had to make a choice and my choice was freedom. I knew my freedom was only going to come from submerging every fiber of my being to Jesus. I needed to choose him first and always. I have seen such a difference over the last few weeks of doing this. I plan to increase my time away this summer to live life more present and in my heavenly father’s presence.

If you are struggling with an addiction to social media on any platform, I want to encourage you to surrender that addiction to Jesus and let him break you free. You don’t have to have an unhealthy addiction to social media, you can be free of it. The first step is admitting to the addiction. As you are honest with yourself, it gives you the courage to let Jesus in to those places that need to be free. Social media will never be able to fill the void in your life, only Jesus can. I am praying for you and walking this journey with you. You are not alone, God sees you and he wants to help, please let him.

     

Ending Therapy

The beginning of therapy can be as beautiful as this flower. As I look at this flower I think about the seed it use to be, I consider how it must have felt being buried in the cold dark earth where no one could see it. I also think of the process it went through to begin growing in the earth before anyone ever got to see it push through the dark and begin to grow above the dirt. This is how I honestly see therapy. For me, I felt as if I was a small seed with past trauma which was largely affecting my ability to live mentally healthy. I did not even know that within the seed was the flower, it just needed to go through the process to become it.  I enter therapy and the therapist steps into the cold dark earth where my pass thought it planted my future. No one really sees at first the process that happens in the earth, which , if you will, is similar to the process I went through in  her office. In the earth or dirt of the earth where seeds are planted lies nutrients needed for healthy growth.  The flower also needs water. Those within my circle gave me water to grow by encouraging me  to keep going to therapy, by telling me  how excited they were that I was doing the work in therapy. This caused me to work harder to become well.

     

This post is to honor what it feels like to end therapy. No matter how ready you feel you are, ending Therapy can be difficult. I went through a grieving process ending Therapy. I knew I was ready to stop going but I also was afraid to loose my safe place to check in. The place I felt seen, known and heard in. I knew it was the only  place I felt like I could just talk my real raw honest feelings out. There was no hiding in that space. I didn’t even want to hide. Once trust was established and boundaries were in place to keep us both safe a relationship built. This relationship felt more like a partnership to better my mental health. The better I began to get the more I came to realize it was time to let go. I tried to think of it as the next step towards embracing my healing. I was better but felt unready to keep going without my safe check in. See what I did not realize was that all the hard work I had been doing in therapy was preparing me for this moment. My therapist always said to me that all good therapist work their way out of job. So basically good therapist have a goal to get you well enough that you can keep going and live well. That does not take away the sad feeling when you take your first steps without the support that therapy offers. The thing I’ve learned is that it’s my first steps without my therapist but not without my Jesus💚.
I saw this quote and I thought it seemed appropriate to add here. I think because therapist do become someone for clients it becomes difficult to let it go. Honestly not only is it difficult for us, it can be difficult for therapist to let go. How do you not build a closeness with someone that shared the most intimate details of their lives. Often sharing secrets they have never told to anyone. I can only imagine the load that therapist carry. I can only imagine the boundaries it takes to shut it off. Shut out the pain that was released in their office,to shut off the stories that were released and their ears had to hear. The beauty they get to see is when you are ready to let go. To see you move forward using the tools that they poured into you. Tools that will carry you long after you end therapy. I continuously remind myself that God is always with me. God walked with me before therapy, during therapy and even now. Ending Therapy is beautiful and sometimes messy. It’s a funny kind of joy and ache. It feels good to be well, yet scary to be well enough to journey forward without your safe place. You have got this, I have got this, we have got this. Spread your wings and soar beautiful soul. You have God with you. You have the tools you have been taught in therapy and you are so much stronger now.

Lord Jesus I thank you for therapist who help us to live mentally well. I thank you for the wisdom that they have inside us. I thank you for the journey to healing that you walk with us through. I thank you for those beginning therapy that they will find strength, courage, healing and the will to keep going. I pray for those ending Therapy that they will know you are always with them. In Jesus name. Amen

What is Mental Health

The remaining of this month, I want to honor those of us who live with a mental health condition. I definitely want to honor those like myself who have lived with a mental health struggle and depended upon medication. I’m truly hoping that throughout the  post I share this month you will find strength and courage to keep fighting, keep going and keep living. I hope you will know that you my friend are not alone in your struggle. The image above is an idea God gave me a few years ago as a way of reminding others to pray for the 1 in 5 individuals who struggle with a mental health condition. Inside of the bottle is 4 beautiful pearls and 1 beautiful pearl that is a mix of a pretty green color and pearl color. This represents the 1 in 5 people who struggle with mental health. Just know if you walk in a room of 20 people at least 4 of you have a mental health struggle. YOU are not ALONE.

     

       So as I have been thinking and preparing for this month to bring awareness to what the world is considering a mental health crisis.  I thought the best place to start with is the definition of mental health.  I found this definition in multiple places,”Mental Health includes our emotional, psychological and social well being. It affects how we think, feel, and act. It also helps determine how we handle stress, relate to others and make healthy choices”.  So paraphrased in my own words, “Mental health affects the way we think, process and socialize. It helps to determine how we respond to stress which determines how stress affects us. It helps determine how we process social situations and how those environments affect us”.  Mental health can affect a wide range of things within our bodies. We oftentimes don’t even realize that it is our mental health causing some of the high emotions that were experiencing. Depression can sometimes come with headaches, fatigue, digestive problems and upset stomach. The fatigue was the worse for me. I felt like it took all of my strength to get up, shower and get dress. I could not really think clearly, it always felt as if my brain was foggy and my thoughts were rushing around inside of my head like racing cars. I was not sleeping at night. Years ago I did not know that all of this was connected to trauma and it piled on top of my mental health. I struggled with PTSD, anxiety and depression. I want to let you in on a secret, mental health matters to God. God does not desire for his children to suffer in silence. God has created resources through the hands of humans that can help our mental health💚.

I must say that mental health struggles look differently on everybody. Some people are smiling on the inside while having  an eternal battle inside with depression. Some people are famous actors but battling anxiety on the inside. Everybody has mental health but not everyone struggles with it. I want to let you in on a secret……did you know if you have struggles with stress, you have a mental health struggle. I found out a few years ago that stress is in the DSM 4. In this month I want to honor those who live with mental health struggles. It is real and some days so much more painful than others could imagine. Let’s lift our voice up and share our experiences with it more than just this month. I truly believe that the more we share our stories it takes the shame and stigma away. It strengthens us and those that are impacted by our experience. It helps others know they are not alone. I know it can be hard to understand because it’s not a physical illness but that does not change the fact that it is a illness. It affects our physical bodies and our minds. Honestly I’m so grateful for my journey. I could not say that before but it has made me stronger. It has made me more sensitive to the state of others mental health. I’ve got a greater understanding of the pain because I’ve lived it, fought it and faced it. I am still a survivor and so are you.

Lord, I pray for every person that is living with a mental health condition. I pray for supernatural healing to their mind body and soul. I thank you God that you will place people around them that will walk alongside of them. I thank you for just being God. In Jesus name. Amen

The Longing For A Dad

     I’m going to warn you ahead of time that this will be a tough post to read. It will probably be one of the hardest post I will ever write. I want to challenge you to stay here with me. I have found so much healing here in this space through writing. I write from my heart in hopes that it will shine a light into your heart. I’m hoping in my post that you will find the courage to step into the light. Stepping into the light simply means, stepping into the truth. There is light in the truth. There is power in the light of the truth.  I am going to share a longing that I’ve had the greater part of my life with you. Writing this post already feels uncomfortable, it feels like I’m being gutted the way we do fish in the cleaning process. I’m going to share my deep ache for a dad. Some of this may be triggering, so please be gentle with yourself. Please know that it’s okay if you need to skip this post until you are ready.

      From the earliest time that I can remember my dad was always a man that worked. He went to work no matter the circumstances or weather, he did not miss work. My dad made sure the bills were  paid. He loved to cook big dinners and have others brag about how good the food tasted. He was in the home, he provided but I spent my life wondering if he hated me. My dad never used the words he loved me but as I’ve gotten older and matured, I don’t think he knew how. It’s one thing to have a dad who is physically absent, but to have a dad in the home but feel as if he is physically and emotionally absent is a different kind of beast. I think I could deal differently if he wasn’t there. I know my expectations of him would probably be different. I spent my entire childhood dreaming of a father that my dad could never be. I finally realized that it wasn’t because of me, but he just did not have the capacity to give to me what he never received. Honestly my father was a angry child that grew into a angry adult and raised children with all of that anger. I oftentimes wonder what was that thing that made him such a angry person. I wonder what happened in his childhood that he buried and let bitter and anger grow in that space where healing should have taken place. Honestly all I ever wanted to be was daddy’s little girl. I wanted him to see me, I mean like really see me, the little girl that desperately needed him.

            This little girl in the picture above is me. When I look at her, my heart aches for her and the mental abuse she lived through. I can remember still to this day, incidents that happened at my father’s hands that should have destroyed me inside. There were times it felt as if it did. My dad was a yeller and a cusser. I remember him calling me and fear would course through my veins. The fear I lived in at my childhood home became anxiety in my adult life.  From my earliest memory, I was called all kinds of degrading and derogatory names. The names were names I didn’t even understand the meaning of but yet I felt shame. I didn’t understand that what I was feeling was shame but it was. I was ashame because even as a little girl, I felt that those words were bad.  Even as a child, I felt like I was a bad girl. Why would my own father call me names like that unless I was really bad inside. So, I set out on a mission to make myself good inside so that I could finally be worthy of his love.

        I look at her and I remember how much I wanted to get the attention of my father. I wanted him to cheer me on when I reached a milestone in my development.   I needed him to give me words of affirmation that validated me inside. I spent a lot of years trying to get out of him what I thought I deserved as his daughter. Honestly I thought all little girls deserved to feel safe with their fathers. I thought all little girls deserved affirmations from their fathers. After he died about 3 years ago I realized that a father is not made just because he got a woman pregnant and she gave birth to his child. A father is made by the care he gives to his children. The gift of having a dad in your life is so precious. The way a dad treats his daughter will in some cases help decide the type man she will marry. As a child growing up, I remember reminding myself often, to never marry a man like my father. I did not want my kids growing up in the fear, hatred and anger I grew up in. I’ve wasted a lot of head space trying to figure out why he was the way he was. I have wasted a lot of mental headspace trying to figure out why I couldn’t be the child he loved. The truth is, he loved me the best he could.  I truly believe that the way we are loved as a child can sometimes hinder us from loving well as adults if we allow it. I love deeply but with reservations. I love but still struggle with loving completely. Thank God for how he continues to heal my heart.

            The picture above is me today. I married an amazing man and he is a wonderful father to our children. I feel like as I’ve watched him father our children, it has healed places in my heart that I thought would never heal. Do I still struggle with not having a good father? Yes their are moments still that I long for that relationship with my father who is no longer here with me. As a matter of fact a few years ago when he died, I remember thinking…all hopes of having a relationship with him died. I think I grieved more for what could never be than for my father. I had to make peace with those dreams of the father I still hoped he could be. I remember sitting at his service and I did not shed one tear. I felt so guilty but I felt nothing on that day. It was just recently that I actually really let myself cry and be sad. I’m still sorting through all of my feelings and strong emotions surrounding his death. The one thing I know is that Jesus will be our father if we let him.  I know that we never have to prove our value to him. I’m his daughter who he loves even before he placed me in my mother’s womb. If you are reading this and you are struggling with daddy issues, please know you are still so loved. You are desperately wanted by our heavenly father Jesus. He sees you and he knows the deep ache in your heart to be in relationship with your father. Jesus deepest desire is to be in relationship with you. Jesus desires to hear about your day. Jesus desires to comfort you when your hurting. You do not have to earn his love, it just is. Today may you know the deep, deep love of your heavenly father. May you feel it in those places you are hurting. You my friend can stop striving for his love and begin to thrive in his love.

Heavenly father I pray for the one reading this that might be hurting from daddy issues. God I ask that you would heal their heart. I pray that your love would flood their very being. In Jesus name. Amen

Women Who Have Impacted My Life

      I’ve almost made it to the end. I did not think I could stay focused and keep it going till the very end.  As soon as I discovered we would be celebrating women’s History all month long, I decided to honor the women that have been a strategic part of my history and made such an impact on my future. I wanted you to see that age, race, cultural differences nor beliefs should stop us as  women  from supporting one another. I don’t necessarily have to look like you for you to encourage me. I want to encourage you, when you see women posting accomplishments or struggles be the first one to like or write an encouraging message under the post. It doesn’t matter if you know them there is nothing wrong with supporting them. Honestly, you might just find a sister from another mother😉😁. So let’s keep going, I’m almost done.

So, let me start with this beautiful soul right here,  Tabea Oppliger. I am not sure completely how we connected on Instagram but my heart is glad we did. This woman has been a gift to my life. I met her almost 5 years ago. The big thing is, her and her family runs a ministry is what I call it all the way in Israel. I love her heart to bring the broken to Jesus through his love that flows through her. I can say, she loves hard, she sees the ones that most would push to the side, step over or even walk right by. This woman not only sees them but she lets them know that God sees them too. I love her heart for God’s people. The name of their business/ministry is Kite Pride. Tabea along with her husband employ people who are coming out of the sex trade industry. They teach them a trade and they provide a safe space for them to heal. Tabea is such an amazing woman who makes you feel so special. I’ve never chatted and felt less than, each time I’ve been inspired, encouraged and loved on. Honestly though many miles, flights, oceans, hills and valleys sperate us, God still bought our hearts together. Tabea has impacted my life by seeing me, I mean really seeing me. I’ve been reminded of the beauty of me. I’m indeed better having known her. I will be eternally grateful for the beautiful gift that she is to me.
So, I’m so moved to tears sharing with you this gift to my life in the form of  Libby Patton. There are so many things I can say about her and her love for people. I know her desire is to see others walk in complete freedom and healing. I met her many years ago when I was on Facebook. We have stayed in contact, checking in with each other and more than  anything praying for each other down through the years.  We had never met in person untill right before the pandemic began. It was the very first time we came face to face and got to hug each other’s neck. It was a dream come true for me😁. This lady has showed up in my life in so many ways. Most recently God has allowed her to walk with me through a journey I always wanted to take but never saw it as being possible. I’ve spent the greater part of my life on meds as I’ve worked through a lot of traumatic events from my childhood. Over the last 2 years so many things changed in my life and I knew it was time to come off meds. Please know this might not be for everyone. I’m definitely not against meds but for me, I knew it was time to come off. I told my psychiatrist, my doctor and then Libby who works in the mental health field. I had gotten a new job, I was in a church I was so happy at, my family was supportive, my friends were supportive and I felt it was God’s timing. I no longer take anti depressants nor anxiety meds after over 20 years of it. I take a very low dose sleep aid. I met with her, together worked through other things that needed to be processed and I’m medication free a few months now.  She was a part of a support system I used during that transition. Let me say this, if I should ever need to go on meds again,  I’m not opposed to it but,  I truly believe it is God’s will for me to be medication free . I’m grateful for how God has used her in my life. I’m so thankful for the gift she is to me.

      I will be closing this post with this sweet friend Jane DeLong . This is my sister in Christ that I connected with….guess where…..😯🙃🤔……Instagram. God gives the best gifts to us. This is the sweetest friend who will earnestly pray with you and for you. I love her blog Pleasing Aroma Ministries. You will find strength, encouragement in the word and inspiration. I share scriptures with her that I’m studying and she brings clarity and understanding to passages that I don’t see. I love her love for God’s word and her passion to teach it in a way that others learn to love it and understand it. I love that she will offer tools that will help you study God’s word for understanding. She is a true woman of God, who loves like Jesus does. The impact she has made in my life is the encouragement through her love for Jesus word to love it more myself. I have been impacted by her kindness towards me. I’ve been impacted by her sweet check-ins to see how me and my family are. I will be grateful for her friendship💚.

      This month and writing these has truly been life changing for me. Every single lady I’ve written about, I truly believe God put them in my life for different reasons but all the same. I know he used them to be his hands and feet in the earth in my life. As I’m walking through some tough days, I needed these reminders of just how bless  I truly am.  I feel so undeserving of them but I’m so glad God still found me worthy. I have one last group to share over the coming days. I’m so honored for your presence here. This last group I’m excited to share with you is the reason I’m here outside of Jesus. Hang in there we are bringing this series to a end.

The Women Who Care For My Health

      So, in this post I’m so excited to honor the women who have cared for my health both physical and mental. I truly believe we cannot be well in one area while allowing the other to suffer. I also believe with my whole heart that physical and mental health works hand in hand. You are only as well mentally as you are physically and vice versa. I learned the importance of taking care of both. I noticed as I became mentally healthy my physical health began to improve….it’s like they compliment each other🙃. As women we are very quick to lay ourselves down for the sake of others. We are very quick to sacrifice our well-being for what may seem like a good cause but at the end of the day we’re suffering inside for it. You are worth fighting for. You are worth thinking about. Please stop making yourself an afterthought in certain situations. It’s ok to think of yourself first. It’s ok to set aside time for you. It’s okay to buy that ice cream that no one else in your house eats, but you😉. It is even okay to take the scenic route home, just because you need time to unwind. So, let’s go with this next group of amazing women that keep me healthy.

First I want to honor this lady right here. Several years ago, I was looking for a new doctor. I went online and began to research doctors in my area. I came across her name and face during my research. I read reviews and decided I would give her a try. I called and sat up the appointment. Now let me tell you, I was afraid because it was something new and that meant I would have to open up to trusting another medical professional again. I sat in the room waiting for her to enter for my very first appointment. Soon in walks Sara Carter Spencer, her smile and kindness was the first thing that put my fears at rest. My heart opened the moment she sat down in a chair and talked with me. Not only did she talk to me, she listened, I mean like truly listened to me. Now more than over 4 years later this woman still sits and listens to me. I love that she allows me to be a part of making decisions concerning my health. She cares about my health both mentally and physically. I love that she will refer me quickly to a specialist if needed to ensure that I receive the best quality of care to keep me well. This lady has impacted my life by restoring my faith in medical professionals. This is what moved me more than anything recently. During the pandemic on one of my visits at the peek of all the racism that was happening in the world, we sat down and had a chat. I shared my fears and concerns and I listened to her feed back. I felt heard and seen by her, it meant so much to me.  Dr. Sara is a gift to my life and she has taken care of my physical health and made sure to put me in connection with the right people for my mental health. I will be forever grateful for the gift she is in my life.
Next is this lady right here who has been a gift to my mental health. I made my very first counseling appointment with Meg in 2017. I remember the first time walking into her office, there was this peace that filled me and I knew I was in the right place in that season of my life. Every single week, Meg showed up and she listened and she taught me tools to keep fighting. I was so broken and the mental pain felt like it would take me under. I learned tools to work through triggers from my past. I learned that my story did not have to define me and nor could it rob me of my future unless I allowed it to. Meg helped me believe that I was worthy of good things. She reminded me often that bad things happen to good people but it doesn’t make them bad. Meg asked questions that made me dig deep within places inside of me that needed to be healed. I love that her office was safe for me. It became sort of a sanctuary in that season of my life. I am not sure I would have came through my husband’s surgery 4 years ago without her. I faced so many fears in her office. I let go of pain that I had pushed so far down inside that I thought it would go away. The pain was eating me from the inside out. In session with Meg, I learned that my life was worth living, not just life but the life I had been given was worth living. We have worked through a lot of trauma, I’ve cried many tears in her office and found healing for many wounds. I’m truly grateful for Meg and the years she has walked alongside me in my mental health journey. It takes a village and I’m grateful for this part of my village. If you are struggling find a therapist you can trust and begin to heal. We all deserve medical professionals we can trust and mental health professionals we can heal with.

      As a woman I want to encourage you to fight for your physical and mental health. I want you to make it a priority. Fighting will look different for all of us. Don’t be afraid if protecting your mental health might include medicine for a season. It might include regular medical checkups. It might include hard counseling sessions. It might include exercise and eating right. It might include saying no to things that affect your mental health negatively. It might even mean saying no to things and people you love as a way of protecting yourself. I truly believe that you are worthy of being kept safe.

I’ve been so overwhelmed writing each of these, not in a bad way. Just truly overwhelmed with gratitude at the faithfulness of God. Hang in there with me, only a few more left to go. I hope you will take time to tell your medical provider how much you appreciate the care you receive from them. Take a moment in your next session with your therapist to let them know how grateful you are for the care they give you for your mental health. Keep going. You are worth it

     

Honoring The Gift of Womanhood.

      I’ve been taking time this whole month honoring women in my life both young and old for the impact they have been to me. The response to me doing this has been so beautiful. I honestly don’t think we do it enough. Women need to know from other women that they are a gift to them. We need to feel appreciated by one another. When you cheer for other women you are in fact cheering for yourself. When you build up another woman, you are in fact building up your self. When you support other women, you are truly supporting yourself as well. I have tried to make sure and say kind words to other women I pass throughout my day. I try to make sure to give an encouraging word to them when necessary. Some women have no one in their corner and honestly that makes my heart ache. The leaders in my church often say, “You do not have to do life alone, we are here for you”.  I truly believe that as women that would be a great life goal to make. Let our goal be that no woman do life alone no matter what their economic status is, race, culture or disability that they have, let’s be women of inclusion. We are not messy but we are strong and inviting💚. So, here we go with this next group of amazing women I’m honoring that have impacted my life.

So kicking off this next series of women who have impacted my life. This super awesome lady right here is Minister Johnsene Barber. We met through church years ago and it has been a tremendous gift in my maturity in the faith. I will tell you this, she is tough, she is committed to seeing you walk out your full purpose in Christ. I always say, “When your ready for true wisdom that will challenge your heart to change, you go see Minister Johnsene”. I truly believe that you have to get it in your heart to bring about true change. This lady will get in there with you and fight against the enemy along with you. I love how she invest in helping you break free from things holding you back from total surrender to God. The biggest thing I think I love most is that every conversation ends with prayer over you and whatever situation your facing. I love that she will quickly tell you that these are my thoughts about it but first she will tell you what the word says about it. I’m grateful for her love towards God that causes her to love his people well. I’ve learned that when we love God most, we’re going to give people the truth of his word even at the cost of relationships. I truly believe she lives what she teaches about. I’m grateful for the Godly impact she makes in my life. I believe in my heart that God winked at me when our lives intersected with one another😉.

      So this beautiful young lady is a daughter to me. I did not birth her but, I love her like I did. My daughter and her became friends in church as little girls and they still remain friends today. It was their friendship that caused her mom and I to become very close friends as well. This young woman here is a fighter, she is a hard worker and she loves deeply. I love how she has not allowed things in this world to keep her stagnant but she continues to go after her goals. I love her heart towards celebrating others. I’ve watched her walk through some difficult growing pains and come out better and not bitter. I’m so proud of how she has faced her fears and come through on the other side winning. I will tell you this, she is a planner. This girl right here will plan every single detail of an event and it will be executed in excellence. I’m super proud of the woman she is growing into. The greatest impact she has made in my life is honoring me with the gift of being a second mama to her. I do not take it lightly and I am completely humbled by it.

I’ve had so much fun and shed tears as I’ve thought about how each one of these ladies and the ones to come have impacted my life. I never want to forget how truly bless I feel having them in my life. I want you to know that a lot of these women, I don’t speak to each and everyday but I still love them deeply. Each of them have served different seasons of my life and just because that season had ended doesn’t mean my honor for them has. This brings me to this absolutely beautiful soul right here. Believe it or not, we actually met on Facebook several years ago. God was so sweet to me, in that we have actually had a chance to meet and hug each other’s neck before. I’ve been so inspired and encouraged by this woman right here. I’ve shared a part of my journey with her and found that I’m not alone in my story. Have you ever met a woman and you knew they were a safe space to exhale? Almost like a safe place to land. We all need places we feel safe to tell our story. I’ve found strength in being validated with her.  You may laugh at this but this chic will get in your stuff to help you get over your stuff. The baggage you carry, she will help you unpack it and sort through it and pick up things that will only make you better. I love how she loves Jesus. I believe she is truly about helping women heal and be truly free. I know that she will not allow you to let your past rob you of the beautiful plans that God has for you. The impact she made in my life was helping me embrace the beauty of me. I learned to love me, every single part of me. I learned to celebrate myself and not wait for others to do it. I am grateful God let us connect, she is a beautiful gift to my life.

I’m praying for you to be surrounded by women who truly see you and support you. You are loved, you are needed and you are valued💚. I have a few more women to be honor. I am grateful you are here.

Finish Strong

I am sure you have heard the famous quote” It doesn’t matter how you start, but how you finish”.  If I could add a line to that statement today it would be “Your start does not determine your finish”. I think sometimes when we don’t start well, we believe the lie that we cannot finish strong. No matter how you start, I believe that you can still finish strong. In this post, I would like to share with you ways I believe can help you finish strong.

      1).  In the beginning decide how you want to finish.  I truly believe from the start of anything we need to have a vision of how we desire to finish. Once you have that vision, then you know what your end goal is. Nobody can determine how you finish like you can.  You are more than likely going to make decisions that help you finish strong. You will keep the end result before you. It will be a reminder of what you are working towards.  Your end vision whether you believe this or not will help direct your decisions. If you have a vision of finishing strong in anything you do, you will make decisions that support that vision.

      2). Surround yourself with the right people to support you.  This can be a biggy. You cannot finish strong if the people in your inner circle are full of negativity.  It can be difficult to move forward if the people that surround you are not for you. Sometimes we have people in our lives in places they don’t need to be. The people you seek wisdom from should be people who have earned a place of trust in your heart. The wisdom that people give,  should line up with the life they live.  To finish strong, surround yourself with people who are living well. People that finish strong are people who live well.

      3). The in-between can be hard but beneficial.  Before you disagree, let me explain. Most of the time we can get tired in the middle of our journey. The in-between is not where you started and it’s not your finish but your caught in the middle. In this place, people would say focus on your finish. I’m going to say be all there in the middle.  Don’t be afraid to look back at where you started and celebrate how far you have come. The middle helps us appreciate how far we have come, and look ahead for how far we need to go. The middle can help us rest a little from our journey, it’s a place to strategize ways to ensure that we finish strong. Don’t despise the middle but celebrate it. Your not where you started, your not where you want to be, but baby you are on your way.

      4). Finish I know this one word may sound crazy as a key to finishing strong😁, but this is one powerful word. You need to finish. Don’t give up a long the way. It is fine to pause and rest but just don’t quit. It’s okay to pause and reevaluate but, after you evaluate then keep going. To finish strong, learn from the lessons, look at your failures for what they are but please do not camp out there. Failures are only opportunities to find true success. Out of all the good things you can do in life, the best thing you will do is FINISH.

      My whole intentions in writing this post was to encourage you to finish strong. Do not quit in the middle, rest, evaluate and keep going. If you quit in the middle, you will not experience the joy of finishing strong. You were born to win, you were created to finish strong. God’s plans for you are good and not evil, his good plans for you include a strong finish.  I know it is difficult and sometimes giving up seems better than continuing to fight forward. You can do all things through Christ who gives you strength. You can make it through. God is with you and you can finish strong

God I am so grateful for the one reading this tonight. I ask that you continue to give them the strength they need to finish strong. Surround them with people who will speak wisdom into their heart. Help them to stay focused and to not give up in the middle. We’re so grateful for you Jesus. Amen

Worthiness is not Earned

      I think at times in our lives, we all struggle with feeling unworthy of good things. I want to pose a question for you to think about,”What is that thing that happened to cause you to feel as if you have to earn your worth?”. You have spent your life trying to earn something that you never had to earn. I know that things can happen to us or we can do things and because of that we believe the lie that were no longer worthy of the good plans God has for us. Let me whisper in your ear, “You were born worthy”. Guess what, not only were you born worthy, nothing you do makes you unworthy. When we struggle with believing that our worthiness is earned, we thrive in the praises from others. We desperately feel like their words validate us. You might not know this but only God created us and I truly believe the one that created us is the one who validates us.

      I found myself living in the praises of others. I wanted to feel like I was worthy, and I believed the lie that their words and acceptance of me made me worthy.  We don’t have to live up to the standards of others to be worthy. You don’t have to fit into a certain crowd to be worthy. Just maybe the crowd you’re trying to fit yourself in is honestly not worthy of you. Their rejection of you might be the greatest blessing of your life.

      Oh, the tears I’ve cried feeling like I didn’t belong in a certain group. I am slowly but surely learning that I will not fit into every space, and that is ok. Every circle is not a circle I have to belong.  I want you to know that any group, circle or community you have to change to fit in, YOU do not belong in it. Performing does not make you worthy. The uniqueness that you were created in is what makes you worthy. I believe the courage to walk into spaces and be you makes you worthy. Who you really are is worthy of love, respect, and connection. You deserve all the good things God has for you and you are worthy of each and every one of them.

      When I lived with the lie that I had to earn my worthiness, I found myself pretending to be who I thought I needed to be in order to fit in different spaces. What I realized was that I was really miserable when I left those spaces. My anxiety was through the roof and I felt empty. I felt empty because who I really was I was spending unnecessary energy burying as I pretended to be someone I really wasn’t. I could  never earn worthiness because what I didn’t know was that worthiness did not need to be earned. No matter how much I tried to be different, that was not making me feel worthy. I believe where I picked up that feeling that I wasn’t worthy was in my childhood. As a little girl, I walked through a lot of trauma and some of the things I endured made me feel unworthy. I didn’t feel worthy of love. I struggled with feeling like I could ever be enough. I had low self-esteem and very little courage. Those childhood experience felt as if they wrote the message of unworthiness on my heart. As an adult I continued to struggle with feeling worthy. I’ve gotten better, but every now and then those feelings of unworthiness try to creep in. I have to immediately remind myself that I was born worthy of every good thing God has for me.  I notice that when I forget who I am in Christ, I start feeling unworthy. When we embrace who God made us to be, we embrace the truth that we were born worthy.

13 For you formed my inward parts;
    you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
    my soul knows it very well.  Psalms 139:13-14 English Standard version (ESV)

      Above is one of my favorite passage of scripture. It reminds me that God formed every part of me, even my inward parts. God knitted me and you together in our mothers womb. This helps me rest in the truth that I am worthy. God created and formed every part of me and I am priceless. God formed every part of you and YOU are priceless.  Nobody can diminish your worth in Jesus, not any words spoken to you or over you can change the truth that you my friend are worthy.   10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.  Ephesians 2:10 (ESV) you were born according to scripture for good works. To be honest though, those good works did not make you worthy, Christ made you worthy.

      This post was to remind you that your worthiness is not earned, but you were worthy from the beginning. You can stop striving for worthiness and start resting in the truth, that you are worthy. I pray that you will embrace this truth and live from the place of worthiness which is where you always belong. Thank you for taking time to read my words. I’m honored and grateful for each of you.

     

Come Out of The Shadows

I know it feels safe. I know you believe that it’s not costing you anything to hide out in the shadows. I know it feels like you can protect yourself from hurt if you just stay in the shadows. Let everybody else get the applause for your hard work. Nobody sees you, so the expectations for you to do or be anything are very small if any. Psssst….the sacrifice of the blessing God created you to be will never be worth it, never. Now, I am not saying that God can never use you in the shadows, for a period of time yes he might use you. It’s like a place of preparation. I truly believe there are some people out front that never walked in the shadows and it shows👀. It is definitely not a place to remain. I truly believe that while working in the background it can build great character in you that sustains you when God places you out front.

There is a humbling that happens within us when we have a shadows experience. I just think that we can become comfortable and complacent when we stay there too long. I think we then become afraid to step out of the shadows into the forefront even when we know Christ is calling us into the front lines of ministry. Nobody knows better than Jesus, you and honestly the devil of what your truly capable of doing with the gift of God in you. I think we forget that satan knows what’s inside of us too and he fights us to keep us surrendered to our own plans rather than walking in Jesus plans that he has for us even before the foundations of this earth. You were not created to stay in the shadows. You were not created to hide out behind the scenes. Come out of the shadows, you have stayed there long enough.

I have come to the place where I have made a life for myself in the shadows that honestly feels right. It feels safe. I have zero pressure to do anything or be anything. I’ve felt as if I’ve somehow buried the call of God in the shadows where I hide. To be honest stepping into the front lines of ministry again feels overwhelming even though I know it’s Jesus calling me, Jesus nudging me, Jesus pulling me away from the shadows and back into the place he intended for me to be. I know coming out of the shadows means that I have to walk away from some places that make me feel safe in the shadows. I know I will have to walk away from some relationships that allow me to feel comfortable hiding. Writing this post is me taking my first few baby steps out of the shadows. I can tell you this from experience,”Playing small only keeps you trapped in a lie”. A lie that is definitely keeping you stagnant. Don’t shrink back when you are among great people with titles and college degrees. Trust me, your in that room because you deserve to be. The things you have to say will really add value to the conversation. You were invited in that room because someone in that space needs what is in you. You would be amazed at the many times my experience with certain things helped a person with a degree and no experience. Please don’t show up pretending to be less than the amazing person you truly are. Trust me, I’m taking my own advice in too.

I felt in my heart that at the beginning of this new year would be the perfect time to encourage you to stop playing small. I want to encourage you to stop pretending to be less when deep inside you know you have more inside you. You bring so much to the table when you bring all of who you are with you. Your in that room because you need to be. You have operated in the background long enough. There are countless well known individuals in this world who started with nothing but realized who they really were and cultivated that gift to allow it to to take them forward. Let this year of 2023 be the year you come out of the shadows. Let this year be the year you be who you truly are. Let it be the year you stop playing small. I believe in you. Go be great💚.