I sat in the room at the doctor office waiting for my husband’s medical provider to come in, just chatting away with my husband about our day and different things about what we needed to do when we left that appointment. The doctor came in and began to talk with us about my husbands blood work they had did. For the first time ever, I heard the words associated with my husband, kidney failure. Did I hear right? Did this doctor just say those words to us? I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. I could feel fear rise within, it felt like something crawling up my skin right to my chest and it was pushing in my chest trying to make its way out. The only escape was the few tears that flowed down my face. After his doctor spoke those words,  everything else sounded like gibberish. My mind felt like it was being twisted and turned all kinds of ways in my head. In that moment my insides felt like mush. There was not one thought that made sense to me after those words. The life changing question rushed to the front of my mind, the question that I was afraid to say out loud because I just knew if I spoke that question out loud that it would breathe life into it and it would be my portion. The question that ran over and over in my head in various ways was, “I’m I going to loose my husband to this?” We left the doctor office still grappling with the information we had been given. A little back story is that my husband had been a diabetic for a number of years and because of that it had affected his eyes and kidneys. The doctor he had been seeing still had not been able to control his diabetes. We both decided that we should look for a second opinion and we found another provider. This provider was the miracle we didn’t know that we would need. We were standing in the middle of a miracle.  It is difficult to look in the face of the facts and see the miracle. We had heard devastating news. In those circumstances it was difficult to see a miracle when we are walking into the unknown. I want you to know that God knows what he is doing even in the moments before the miracle.

I begin to research other doctors that specialized in treating diabetes and God led us to my husbands doctor that we needed. We walked into the office and my heart felt at peace before we even got in the back to meet the new doctor. Dr. Hadley walked in and began  to talk with us. The first steps he took was changing a lot of my husbands medications. We were immediately set up with a dietician to help us to modify his diet not just to help his diabetes but also to keep his kidneys operating as long as he could. The next thing he did was have us to begin going through the process of getting my husband on the transplant list.  I did not understand how important that would be in preparation to the miracle God was setting up. I remember making myself numb in this process because I thought if I let myself feel it all that I would crumble and be of no good to my husband. I don’t know if you have ever lived in a body but yet disconnected yourself from it. It was how I felt.  It was like I was standing outside of my body watching as someone that looked like me walked through the process leading to the miracle. As I sit here writing this I can see myself and feel the pain of that journey. There were many days I rode in my car and I just cried, I cried before the miracle. I had moments of doubt before the miracle. I had moments of anger before the miracle. I was depressed before the miracle. My anxiety was at a all time high before the miracle. There were moments in my car that I cried till I could barely breathe before the miracle.

       I also prayed before the miracle, I praised before the miracle and I read my word before the miracle. We both served in church before the miracle. I learned that I could have faith but still have fear of the unknown. I learned that I could still cry but yet have hope. I learned that I could trust God but still have questions about what we were facing. I learned that I could feel pain but yet love Jesus more deeply than ever. I learned that I could feel alone but yet have this knowing inside that Jesus was and is always with me. All of this before the miracle. There were moments before the miracle that I just knew that I would loose my mind with all of the fears and questions and uncertainties,  but Jesus took my mind and held it safe in his hands. I cannot begin to even explain to you how his protection over me kept me sane. The peace of God that surpassed all of my understanding filled me over and over again. Jesus held me so very close before the miracle.

      Please hear my heart with this, what you do in the waiting, the in between and even the unknown before the miracle is important. I believe that no one even the one in desperate need of the miracle can stop the God of miracles from doing what he said he would do. No matter what I felt, God had already established before my husband even took his first breath that he would give him a miracle and a miracle he did. My fears, my sadness, my doubts, and even my worries were no match for what Jesus had already planned to do even before we came to be.  Jesus was there with us through every single step we took before the miracle. My husband received both a kidney and pancreas. God allowed him to live and I’m forever grateful for the God who heals.

      What ever miracle you are waiting for please know that Jesus is at work. You are not alone. I hope you will stay on this journey with me. Next, I will share with with you what we did as we stood in the middle of a miracle. I will give you a hint, we did not give up. Thank you for being here.