Uplift

In Between Sessions

I’ve thought of writing about this more times than I can count, but I never quite feel like I have adequate words to write it in a way that gives understanding to it. In between sessions sometimes it’s hard. It’s hard to navigate the after-session emotions. Sometimes you leave with so much sadness and it feels like there is nowhere for it to go. Before you know it, you’re in your car driving home in tears. It almost feels like after a counseling session cleansing tears. Where do you put those big emotions that refuse to be stuffed again? It’s like they have been brought to the surface and they can’t be ignored any longer. Your therapist does everything they can to ensure your safety when you leave their office. Honestly, though sometimes you just don’t feel safe inside with all the big emotions. It feels like no amount of exercises can bring you back from that place, only time. Sometimes time isn’t on your side after sessions because youre thrust right back into life and its fast paced. For me that in between counseling sessions feels so hard when I’m struggling. I feel so alone in the journey between sessions. It feels like you need a session for the session, to get over the session you just had.
   Here’s what I’ve learned about the wave of big emotions that follows a counseling session: they are real, and they deserve to be felt. Sometimes they feel bigger than my body can contain. They push, they rise, and they want out. But I’ve learned that I can feel them in healthy ways, and I can give myself permission and space to do so. So I make a deal with myself. On the ride home, I let the emotions come however they need to. I tell myself, “Lora, cry if you need to. Scream if you need to. Be angry if you need to.” I let it all move through me. And when the car turns into my driveway, that’s the boundary. Not forever—just for that moment. It took time, discipline, and compassion for myself to get to this place. It didn’t happen overnight. But thank God for those twenty minutes that became a safe space to unravel. And yes—sometimes that doesn’t work. Some sessions knock the breath right out of me, and the heaviness doesn’t lift on schedule. On those days, I let myself simply be. I allow the sadness to exist for as long as it needs. I honor the anger. I sit with whatever rises, and I remind myself that it’s okay to feel it all. I lean on my safe people and let them know I’m struggling, because healing was never meant to be done alone. This journey is no easy road. Healing is hard, painful, and sometimes incredibly lonely—even when you’re surrounded by support. But even in the “just be” moments, I guard myself with care. I place boundaries around my emotions so they don’t pull me toward unsafe places. And when I say unsafe, I mean suicidal thoughts, hurting myself, or hurting others.
Because feeling the pain is part of healing—but keeping myself safe is part of loving myself through it.
   There are days when I walk out of counseling feeling completely tangled inside. It’s like every emotion I’ve pushed down—heart, mind, and soul—suddenly wakes up and starts shouting for attention all at once. They pull me in different directions, stretching me from the inside out. When I process the hard memories, sessions can feel heavy, almost dark. It’s strange how a memory can feel just as sharp as the moment it happened. Speaking it out loud sometimes pulls me right back into the pain, and I’m not always sure which hurts more—surviving it then or reliving it now. Even after grounding, when my therapist helps bring me back to the present, a small part of me still lingers in that past moment. On those days, I leave feeling suspended between who I was and who I am becoming. And it’s not about anything my therapist is doing wrong—it’s simply the way I’m wired, the way trauma works itself loose inside of me. Some days, an hour just doesn’t feel like enough time to hold a lifetime of hurt. You’re asked to open the wound, face it, breathe through it, ground yourself, and then step back into the world as if everything is fine—until the next session comes. It’s a lot. Truly, it’s a lot. But this messy, uncomfortable in-between space—the ache after the session, the lonely unraveling, the stretching between past and present—that’s part of my healing. It’s ugly and it’s beautiful at the same time, this slow untangling of who I am becoming. And I’m learning to honor even the tangled days as evidence that I’m doing the brave work of healing.
So, maybe you’re like me doing the hard work of healing, and the days after sessions feel hard. You find yourself wondering if it’s even worth it. I want you to know based on my personal experience every single tear cried in and out of session, every hard moment, the ache and loneliness every bit of it, it’s worth it to be free. It’s worth it to one day tell your story of healing. There will come a day when sessions are not so hard or you learn things that help you to work through those big emotions after sessions. If I could sit with you right in this moment, I would take you by the hand and look into your eyes and say, “whatever you do, don’t you dare give up”. Keep working through those after the session moment. Keep showing up for therapy, keep doing the hard work of healing. You deserve to live in your present, look towards your future without the ugliness of your past keeping you bound to it. I am so glad you are here. Whatever led you here, I hope you will stay a little while, take a deep breath, kick your feet up, and relax in the light.
godsgirllora Avatar

Published by

godsgirllora
I am a wife, a mother a believer in Jesus Christ and a person who lives with a mental health condition. My desire is to come alongside of those like me who need support. I will write my real, raw, honest journey through this in hopes that you and I can find strength through it together. Your comments are welcomed and honored here. All I ask is that you be respectful with your words because my journey might not look like yours but it is mine. Looking forward to walking alongside you here in this safe space. P.S If your looking for perfect grammar and words placed perfect….you won’t find that here. You will find words that come from my heart and the heart of Jesus, hopefully in that you will find hope. I believe with hope comes the courage to step into the safety of the light.
Categories:
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Leave a comment