This post has been written in my head more times than I can count, but it has never made it to the blog. I wanted to be careful with my words. I wanted to be cautious about how I shared them here. I thought through how people might receive them and whether I was saying things the “right” way.

But as I’ve processed all of this, I’ve come to realize that maybe that is part of the problem.

Maybe filtering my words isn’t always the answer. Maybe sometimes what needs to happen is that I simply share what is on my heart—with honesty, compassion, and no unnecessary filters.

So, here is my spill on privilege and how those of us who have it can choose to use it for good.

Let’s start with the word itself.

According to Webster’s Dictionary, privilege is defined as “a special right, advantage, or immunity granted or available only to a particular person or group.”

When I use the word privilege in this post, I’m not talking about something that should automatically produce shame or guilt. I’m talking about recognizing when we have access to something that someone else does not have access to—and then making a conscious decision about what we will do with that access.

If you have been given rights, opportunities, relationships, information, access, or advantages that you know others do not have, what if you used those privileges to be a voice for someone who doesn’t have the same access?

What if you used your seat at the table to make room for someone else?

What if you used the information you have to help someone navigate a system that they have never been given the opportunity to understand?

What if, instead of using privilege to make someone else’s way harder than it needs to be, you used it to make their way a little easier?

That matters.

Because privilege can show up in ways that we don’t always recognize.

Sometimes privilege is having information that could genuinely help someone else but choosing to share that information only within your own circle. It can look like knowing how to navigate a system, knowing who to call, knowing what questions to ask, or knowing where the opportunities are—and keeping that knowledge within your group because sharing it might mean someone else gets access, too.

But what if we changed that?

What if we stopped thinking, “How do I protect my advantage?” and started asking, “How can I use my advantage to help someone else?”

Another example I think about when I consider privilege is the rooms we are invited into.

Sometimes we are given access to certain rooms because of advantages we did not necessarily earn ourselves. And sometimes there is a woman of color who is equally—or even more—qualified, who brings a perspective, depth, experience, and wisdom that could greatly benefit that room, yet she is never invited into it.

That should cause us to pause.

And if we are already in the room, perhaps our responsibility isn’t simply to enjoy having a seat. Perhaps we should look around the room and ask, “Who is missing?”

Who has the qualifications but doesn’t have the access?

Who has the experience but doesn’t have the opportunity?

Who has the wisdom but has never been invited to speak?

And perhaps the question isn’t just, “Why aren’t they here?”

Maybe the question we should be asking ourselves is, “What can I do to help change that?”

Because having privilege isn’t necessarily the problem.

What we choose to do with it matters.

We can use access to exclude, or we can use access to open doors.

We can use information to create an advantage for ourselves, or we can share it so someone else has a better chance, too.

We can use our position to make someone’s path harder, or we can use our position to remove unnecessary barriers.

We can sit comfortably in the rooms we have been invited into, or we can notice who isn’t there and do something about it.

I don’t believe the answer to privilege is shame.

I believe the answer is responsibility.

If I have access that someone else doesn’t have, what am I going to do with it?

If I have information that could help someone, am I going to keep it to myself?

If I have a voice, am I going to use it only for myself?

If I have a seat at the table, am I going to pull the chair closer to me—or am I going to make room for someone else?

Privilege gives us choices.

And I believe one of the most powerful choices we can make is to use what we have to help someone else gain access to what they have been denied.

Use your privilege for good.

Not to make yourself bigger.

Not to make someone else smaller.

But to make the path a little wider for the person coming behind you.

In light of so many things happening within our world, I just felt like this was—and is—a needed conversation. I’ve heard the word privilege talked about in many different spaces lately, and honestly, it has caused me to do a lot of soul-searching, exploring, and pondering about what privilege looks like through my own personal lens. It has challenged me to examine my own biases, my own experiences, and the ways privilege has shown up in my own life.

I think that process has helped me tremendously.

Rather than simply forming an opinion about privilege based on what I have heard from others, I’ve been asking myself, What have I actually experienced? What have I been given access to that someone else may not have? What advantages have I benefited from without even realizing they were advantages? And, perhaps most importantly, what do I do with the privilege I have?

It is easy to think about privilege primarily through a racial lens because race is one of the spaces where privilege is discussed most often. And yes, I believe race absolutely matters when we talk about privilege. I believe my white friends can experience racial privilege, and I believe my Black friends can experience privilege in other areas of their lives as well.

Does privilege look different between the two races? Absolutely.

But I don’t think the conversation about privilege should end there.

There are so many different ways privilege can show up in our lives—education, economic status, family support, physical ability, access to resources, opportunities, relationships, gender, professional position, social connections, and countless other areas.

Some of us have access to doors that others are still trying to find.

Some of us have information that others don’t have.

Some of us have relationships, resources, influence, or opportunities that others may never have access to without someone intentionally making room for them.

And sometimes, we don’t even recognize that those things are privileges because they have simply been our normal.

That realization can be uncomfortable.

I’ve seen people use the word privilege as a weapon—as a way to shame someone for having something they did not earn or choose to have. And honestly, I don’t think that is fair. But I don’t think discomfort has to lead to shame.

Having privilege is not necessarily the problem.

What we choose to do with it is where the conversation gets really interesting.

I didn’t choose every advantage I have been given in life. Neither did you.

But once we become aware of them, we have a choice.

We can use what we have to elevate ourselves above others, or we can use what we have to help someone else rise.

We can guard the door, or we can hold it open.

We can keep information to ourselves because it gives us an advantage, or we can share what we know so someone else has an opportunity to grow.

We can use our influence to make sure our own voice is heard, or we can use our influence to amplify a voice that has been overlooked.

We can say, “I worked hard for what I have, so you need to work hard too,” or we can recognize that hard work is not the only factor that determines who gets access to an opportunity.

Sometimes the most powerful thing we can do with privilege is simply become aware of it.

Not so that we can feel guilty.

Not so that we can shame ourselves.

Not so that we can shame someone else.

But so that we can become intentional.

Because what if privilege isn’t simply something we are supposed to defend or deny?

What if it is something we are supposed to steward?

What if the question isn’t, “Do I have privilege?”

What if the better question is:

“Now that I recognize the privilege I have, what am I going to do with it?”

I believe privilege can be used for good.

And I believe all of us, in some area of our lives, have something that someone else may not have.

Maybe our responsibility isn’t to feel guilty about that.

Maybe our responsibility is to notice it, understand it, and then ask how we can use it to make the world around us a little more equitable, a little more compassionate, and a little more inclusive.

Because privilege becomes powerful when we stop asking, “How can I protect what I have?”

And start asking,

“How can what I have become a blessing to someone else?” Thank you for being here in this space with me. I’m so grateful you’re here. I’m praying you will take your shoes off, put your feet up and rest in the beauty of the light.